relationships Archives | Nutritious Thoughts

The grittiness of growth.

Written by nutritiousthoughtsblog on June 6, 2019. Posted in Self Care.

It’s summertime, and the living is…well, a mixed bag of emotions.

Growth is hard. Healing is raw. This month, we chose to feature the blog of a local Asheville clinician – Elizabeth Gillette, LCSW of Heirloom Counseling – to celebrate the “realness” of getting in touch with our true selves. See her recent blog post below about being gentle with yourself as you walk your own path of growth and healing.

Being Gentle with Yourself as You Grow

Hi!

There is something many of my clients realize once we start really digging into relationship and self-work: it doesn’t feel very good.

On one hand, I don’t enjoy seeing people experiencing discomfort or big emotions (I have had to learn to hold space for this and allow it instead of rescuing or fixing). But on the other hand, I have realized that the place where emotions are flowing and discomfort is welcomed and old hurts are received instead of pushed away is where the healing happens. Healing is feeling it all and changing your relationship with your feelings. When the emotions are unearthed, I take that as a good sign. You are a living, breathing, deeply feeling person and I want you to know I respect that—so I let you feel it. We feel it together.

Whether you’re actively shifting your attachment style toward security or it seems like your life as you know it is crumbling all around you or you are growing so quickly that it’s hard to keep up with yourself, please know you are still loved and worthy and whole. None of this work is easy. I’ve come to believe that if you are awake and aware and showing up in any conscious way in this world then you are exposed to the pain of all of it. So many of us are hurting. I know that.

But here’s what I want you to remember. The work you do reverberates out into the collective. Your healing is my healing, and mine is yours. We all deserve to heal. Every one of us. We can help each other do that—by offering support, by being in relationship in a conscious way, and by being accountable for our own stuff. Healing is unlearning just as much as it is acquiring new skills and practicing new responses. We must take inventory of our values and beliefs, gain an understanding of how we came to those beliefs (and whether they still make sense), and move into alignment with who we are now.

Your personal work is incredibly powerful because we are all part of something much bigger than ourselves.

Healing doesn’t happen overnight. And attachment and relationship work? We are in it for the long-game. This work takes practice, time, energy, dedication, and awareness. We must be gentle with ourselves to maintain our commitment. Humans don’t learn well when they are shamed or afraid or experience harshness. How can you create compassion for the parts of you that are learning right now? The fact that you are engaged with the work on a daily basis and healing at your own pace is good enough. Let it be good enough for this moment. Rushing this type of healing doesn’t allow us to dive deep, to fully embrace our experiences, to feel everything we need to feel to move forward.

We all have our own stories and experiences of healing and I believe it’s very important for us to hold space to hear those experiences and learn from one another. I am so thrilled to launch the here to heal podcast on June 11! It’s coming up soon and I’ve done some amazing interviews with incredible folks in my community as well as solo shows where I share more about my own experiences with healing. I’m looking for folks who would be willing to be part of my Podcast Launch Team—people who will listen to a few episodes and then rate and review them on iTunes and get the word out to others who might be interested. If that’s you, will you hit reply to this email and let me know? I will send you instructions and a reminder when the podcast launches! THANK YOU!

I also want to share an opportunity for an in-person healing experience that I am offering on June 22, 2019, with Liz Gunn and Monica Leblanc in the mountains of Western North Carolina. We are hosting an afternoon gathering to support your relationship to yourself utilizing attachment theory, astrology, and the Enneagram (a combination that I have found to be extremely powerful in my own healing work). This experience will provide grounded and practical tools for increasing consciousness and self-awareness with a healthy dose of fun, pleasure, and play. This gathering will be nourishing on many levels and is the perfect way to celebrate the summer solstice! Space is limited so the gathering feels intimate—please register as soon as you can to secure your spot!

Thank you so much, always.

Warmly,

Elizabeth

FYI! Elizabeth is launching a podcast THIS MONTH that we are seriously stoked for. Check out the details here: here to heal Podcast

Happy [and sad and frustrated and whatever else you may feel] Growing!

Don’t Give It All Away

Hello, Everyone!

This month we are breaking up the holiday chatter (but also…Happy Holidays!) to share with you all a candid, quite raw rendition of one’s experience of navigating relationships in recovery and traversing the journey of healing from co-dependency. We love this timeless reminder that no matter what type of relationships we are fostering at the moment, we must always hold space for ourselves, nurture ourselves, and remain present with ourselves.

This piece was gifted by an Anonymous Recovery Warrior.

To my sister-

There will be someone that promises you the life you’ve always imagined having. Constant, unwavering assurances of safety, security, and happiness will dance from their lips, forming the most entrancing, tempting ballet. They will do it all right, and I mean everything. From flowers, love notes, and elegant dinners to warm embraces and kisses as soft as the clouds. These are all beautiful things to treasure, but love, don’t give it all away.

There will be someone that snatches your attention so violently and abruptly that they send you spinning into a whirlpool of your own thoughts. For a while you’ll think you’re drowning in that perfect something. You’ll immerse yourself in their cool, refreshing pool in an attempt to cleanse yourself, but please promise to stay where your feet can touch the bottom. The deep end is colder, darker than you’d expect it to be- every time. Darling, try to keep that beautiful head above the water. Don’t give it all away.

There will be someone that you love to hate. They will be your flame, you will be their gasoline. You will pour your body over them like hot, melted wax just begging for a shape to take. You will sugar yourself until they deem you the sweetest candy they have ever tasted. You’ll surrender to the fire. Passion is part of the game, but sissy, don’t give it all away.

There will be someone that changes your life. You’ll think, speak, act, and do things differently than ever before. You’ll set this new you into motion with a force so strong you’ll convince everyone you’ve had a revelation. Your mind will shift, your attitudes will be altered, your dispositions will transform. Old habits will die, new ones will be born. Perspective is powerful and changes are good, but look before you leap, baby. Don’t give it all away.

There will be someone that makes themselves your project. They will latch on, and you will mother their insecurities. You’ll stroke their fragile ego. You will find yourself cleaning up the foul waste of their childlike outbursts, uncontrolled and unpredictable. You’ll wipe the floor of their mess and your tears of exhaustion, sanitize with affection, and you’ll wait for the next explosion. You’ll hope that these nightmarish times will pass and that like the flu, it will get worse before it gets better. My sister, I am here to tell you that there will always be another explosion, always another mess that will keep you on your knees. Don’t give it all away.

There will be someone you love. You’ll know it when you know it. Your head will turn to them, and you’ll meet each other on an even playing field. You’ll overlook things that are slightly inconvenient to preserve the pleasure of being a pair. You’ll share yourself with them and they will reciprocate. You’ll want them feverishly and vehemently. You’ll experience compromise. You’ll sacrifice genuinely but my god- don’t ever give it all away.

You see, there will always be someone. There will always be high highs and low lows but whatever you do, don’t give it all away. Don’t give all of yourself. Don’t drain yourself dry. Don’t burn yourself until the wick disappears. Not ever. If you ever take a piece of my advice, please let it be this one. Leave some of you for you, no matter what.

Tag: relationships

The grittiness of growth.

Being Gentle with Yourself as You Grow

Hi!

There is something many of my clients realize once we start really digging into relationship and self-work: it doesn’t feel very good.

Your personal work is incredibly powerful because we are all part of something much bigger than ourselves.

Thank you so much, always.

Warmly,

Elizabeth

Don’t Give It All Away

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